you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
