When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
sex in a hospital.. check
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
