i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
