Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
