new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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