I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
