it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize