i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
