in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We're too hungover to prance.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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