dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She swung at the pinata with crutches
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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