i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
