i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
and you fell through a lawn chair
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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