Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
FUCK WHALES
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
