we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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