We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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