Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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