If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
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