I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
