i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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