He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize