I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
