Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
