By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
