Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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