I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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