I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
