I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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