We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
