don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
