so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
