Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
