Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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