Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I think I sprained my soul last night
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
