I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
