hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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