I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
