dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
