Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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