Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
