a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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