i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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