I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
How drunk are you?
Completed.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
