Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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