my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
