we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
