I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
