my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
