I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize