Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
