I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
