Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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