Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
