She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize