DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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