i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
