The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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