What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
