Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
