I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
