Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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