look no pants
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
