I think I won the penis lottery.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
