I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
