I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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