after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
