My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize