I am midnight drunk by noon
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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