My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
not ubering you a puppy
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
